Like an ogre, I have layers. I’ve been told that I’m an eternal optimist and a hopeless cynic – sometimes in the same conversation. That leads me to often not have any clue as to which one I actually am. A few examples:
- I hate it when people lead off communication with the word “Team” – as if writing it down makes it happen. On the other hand, I love being part of a team and try to encourage cooperation and teamwork on a regular basis.
- Putting motivational text over an image strikes me as trite, but it sometimes makes me feel inspired.
- I tend to believe that things will work out for the best when it involves other people, but often expect the worst for myself.
I know what you’re saying, and yes – I realize that I’m just like any other human being out there. The problem is that I’m trying to get myself motivated to improve my health and lifestyle and I keep bouncing from thinking I’m on the verge of turning the corner to deciding I’ve just crashed the car and wondering why I should bother.
The conflict isn’t fun. Having managed to accomplish this before makes it even harder, as there’s this constant search for whatever the catalyst was the last time. Not finding that spark is a demotivator in and of itself. Even financial motivation isn’t working, as I currently have a gym membership that has gone unused for so long there’s likely a ‘missing’ poster hanging up there with my picture on it.
It’s coming up on an entire year that I’ve been out west. That thought alone is scary enough. Realizing the backslides I’ve made in my personal life just adds to that.
My goal, which was to start after my 39th birthday, was to lose 40 pounds by the age of 40. I haven’t quite hit the ground running on that, but there’s still time. There’s a large stack of clothes that used to fit me not one year ago just sitting around. I’d like to wear them again. I’d like to feel comfortable in my own skin again.
I just need to balance that with the fact that I’d like to head to Del Taco for a hamburger.